I am still somewhere in the month of June - I don't know how it became July already! Except that we have had some serious family challenges that have kept me stressed and distracted. In all honesty I still had the feeling that Jennifer's birthday was still a couple weeks away.
Strangest thing...on Saturday I saw a woman that reminded me of Jennifer. That has never happened before especially because Jennifer was "one of a kind"! This woman was just getting into her car and I'm sure I will never see her again. It made me stop and think about Jennifer. I wondered what it meant that I saw this woman on that day.
Saturday night I finished reading a book that was about a man searching for his wife who had been in a plane crash. Before she left to fly out of town they had gotten into an argument. Their rule was to always say "I love you" at the end of the day no matter what happened. She tried to call him to tell him she loved him, but she never reached him. The man believed his wife was still alive and throughout the book that is still a possibility... until the very end. He finds her dead. After he buries her he stays around to say, "I hope you can hear me sweetheart. I just want to say I'm sorry. And I want to say I love you. And I have to say goodbye". It reminded me that more often than not we don't get to say goodbye to our loved ones before they die. I will always be sad that I didn't take the time to talk to Jennifer less than 48 hours before she died! I can only be comforted because she knew I loved her and I knew she loved me.
Yesterday in church the closing song was "Each Life That Touches Ours for Good". That is really a hard song to get through without crying because I always think of Jennifer. When I got home from church I looked at the photo of her that is in our living room and I stopped and studied her for a minute. The only conclusion I came to is that she was a miracle and she still is.
I don't know how I still didn't remember it was her birthday! Until this morning I went to Michael's Craft Store. As I was walking around I spied a metal garden flower that reminded me of Jennifer. I bought it and thought I would send it to Jeff and so he could put it by her grave the next time he is in Kansas City. I went to pick up Leslie from swim team and when she got in the car I went to show her the flower. That is when it hit me! Her birthday!!! That is why I have been thinking of her all weekend and I even bought her a birthday present without knowing it. Thanks for the reminders Jennifer!
Love,
Janey
