February 13, 2012

It is the eve of 3 years since Jennifer passed away. I remember the night before so well and the panicky phone call from Jeff at the wee hours of the morning. I think my heart hurts the most because I didn't know how sick she was and I couldn't do anything to help her.

I have tried to honor her memory by doing some kind of service the last two years in her name. I have been thinking and praying for the right service to do for the last 6 weeks. About 3 weeks ago as I was thinking of what to do, I thought "I wish someone would do a service project for me". Lots of continuing family challenges have worn me out in every way the last couple of years. That is one thing that Jennifer had the ability to do -make me feel special and important! Not just me, but so many others of all ages. And we women and mothers tend to take on a lot and not do a very good job of taking care of ourselves. So I became my own service project...

I'm not doing anything special just trying to change the way I think about myself. Instead of thinking I haven't done enough today; I don't have time to eat right, or slapping a sandwich together and eating at the sink; feeling guilty for "wasting time" reading or watching TV; not taking the time to put on jewelry or nice makeup etc. I am saying to myself, "it's ok I deserve this or I am worth taking the time to do this for myself." That is what Jennifer wanted for me and encouraged me to do for so many years.

So in honor of Jennifer this year: I declare that I am worth it! I am good enough to deserve the very best in life of love and happiness, peace, health and hope. So on Valentine's Day tomorrow, the anniversary of Jennifer's passing - LOVE YOURSELF! When I do I feel her love and spirit with me.