Thursday, February 14, 2013
I was thinking about Jennifer the other day when I was stressing about something or other. Then I remembered our last phone conversation together when I had to get off the phone quickly to go to work. If I had known then that she would be gone 1 1/2 days later I would have cherished that conversation and let her know how much I loved her. I was in a hurry and sweating the small stuff. Most times in life 5 or 10 minutes isn't really going to make a difference about anything - really!
"Quid ad aeternum ?" is Latin for "What is it in the light of Eternity? Does it really matter - does it really matter - does it really matter? I am reminded again to stop sweating the small stuff and focus on what really matters: my family & friends, love, the gospel, kindness, relationships, service, people in general, joy, forgiveness, hugs, peace, and love that never ends. In the light of Eternity my love for you Jennifer will never end.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Jennifer is still a part of my life in small and simple ways:
1. I am so glad that I still hear from Jeff and Aidan occasionally. I am happy that Aidan is growing up so well and that Jeff is such a great father. Jennifer knew that if anything happened to her that Aidan would be well cared for.
2. I still keep Jennifer's phone number in my phone. On occasion I still text her. Even though I don't get a text back I still hear her voice in my head giving me advise or comfort.
3. I have two photos of Jennifer in my bedroom and one of her in our living room. One of the photos in my bedroom is one she sent me in January 1996. It is the way I most remember her- when she was healthy and had long auburn hair and a big smile. The other photo is from the last time I visited her when she was alive. That remains a happy memory of our visit together.
4. I have a card from Jennifer on my bulletin board. All I have to do is read it to remember her love. It is always a treat to come across letters and cards from her that I saved for years from most holidays.
When all is said and done - it is the small and simple things that have the most meaning in our lives. Although I wish Jennifer were still here, I know that Jennifer and I are still connected and we will see each other again. Happy Birthday Jennifer!
Monday, February 13, 2012
I have tried to honor her memory by doing some kind of service the last two years in her name. I have been thinking and praying for the right service to do for the last 6 weeks. About 3 weeks ago as I was thinking of what to do, I thought "I wish someone would do a service project for me". Lots of continuing family challenges have worn me out in every way the last couple of years. That is one thing that Jennifer had the ability to do -make me feel special and important! Not just me, but so many others of all ages. And we women and mothers tend to take on a lot and not do a very good job of taking care of ourselves. So I became my own service project...
I'm not doing anything special just trying to change the way I think about myself. Instead of thinking I haven't done enough today; I don't have time to eat right, or slapping a sandwich together and eating at the sink; feeling guilty for "wasting time" reading or watching TV; not taking the time to put on jewelry or nice makeup etc. I am saying to myself, "it's ok I deserve this or I am worth taking the time to do this for myself." That is what Jennifer wanted for me and encouraged me to do for so many years.
So in honor of Jennifer this year: I declare that I am worth it! I am good enough to deserve the very best in life of love and happiness, peace, health and hope. So on Valentine's Day tomorrow, the anniversary of Jennifer's passing - LOVE YOURSELF! When I do I feel her love and spirit with me.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
I love how you always took time to look nice and wear perfume and jewelry to feel good. I always had fun when we were together trying on clothes, jewelry, or shopping - just being girly girls. In your honor today I am going to go do something fun with Leslie and just make it a fun day!
You taught me that one person can make a difference in the life of another person - you made that difference for me.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Our Relief Society joined in and last month I was able to to sacks and sacks of things to my friend who will send them on to hospitals and orphanages there.
I am thankful that as I was pondering and praying about what to do as a service in honor of Jennifer this year - this opportunity came about. There are so many needs around us. Sometimes it just takes asking a few questions to be able to share a little bit with others.
Just imagine, Jennifer is still an inspiration for good in the world and she will always be an inspiration to me!
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Two years ago today since Jennifer passed on. I still learn from her and call upon her for wisdom in my life. I know that she lives on and that "we" are not our bodies. We have a spirit - that is who we really are and we live on eternally. Even though she died prematurely for those she left on earth, she lived a life that was full. She will be forever in my heart.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
I am still somewhere in the month of June - I don't know how it became July already! Except that we have had some serious family challenges that have kept me stressed and distracted. In all honesty I still had the feeling that Jennifer's birthday was still a couple weeks away.
Strangest thing...on Saturday I saw a woman that reminded me of Jennifer. That has never happened before especially because Jennifer was "one of a kind"! This woman was just getting into her car and I'm sure I will never see her again. It made me stop and think about Jennifer. I wondered what it meant that I saw this woman on that day.
Saturday night I finished reading a book that was about a man searching for his wife who had been in a plane crash. Before she left to fly out of town they had gotten into an argument. Their rule was to always say "I love you" at the end of the day no matter what happened. She tried to call him to tell him she loved him, but she never reached him. The man believed his wife was still alive and throughout the book that is still a possibility... until the very end. He finds her dead. After he buries her he stays around to say, "I hope you can hear me sweetheart. I just want to say I'm sorry. And I want to say I love you. And I have to say goodbye". It reminded me that more often than not we don't get to say goodbye to our loved ones before they die. I will always be sad that I didn't take the time to talk to Jennifer less than 48 hours before she died! I can only be comforted because she knew I loved her and I knew she loved me.
Yesterday in church the closing song was "Each Life That Touches Ours for Good". That is really a hard song to get through without crying because I always think of Jennifer. When I got home from church I looked at the photo of her that is in our living room and I stopped and studied her for a minute. The only conclusion I came to is that she was a miracle and she still is.
I don't know how I still didn't remember it was her birthday! Until this morning I went to Michael's Craft Store. As I was walking around I spied a metal garden flower that reminded me of Jennifer. I bought it and thought I would send it to Jeff and so he could put it by her grave the next time he is in Kansas City. I went to pick up Leslie from swim team and when she got in the car I went to show her the flower. That is when it hit me! Her birthday!!! That is why I have been thinking of her all weekend and I even bought her a birthday present without knowing it. Thanks for the reminders Jennifer!
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
"Wind Beneath My Wings" by Bette Middler
"You Raise Me Up" by Josh Groben
"You've Got a Friend" by James Taylor
"Oh That I Were an Angel"
Really the titles say it all....
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
When I originally talked with the Director on the phone I told her that I wanted to do this in honor of my dear friend who passed away a year ago. We talked for a few minutes today and she asked what my friend's name was. I told her a little bit about Jennifer and how she died suddenly. She said she wanted to tell the women this story because it would make the giving of the goodie bags that much more meaningful.
When I got out to my car I sobbed and sobbed. Jennifer was someone so special - giving love in her memory just felt like the right thing to do.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
I wanted it to be about something Jennifer loved - the possibilities are endless! Jennifer loved family, the gospel, her pets and animals, she loved nature and gardening, girlfriends, baking and cooking, the youth, holidays, babies, crafts and sewing, looking nice, and smelling good! To name a few...
I decided to make up some Valentine goodie bags with lotion, shower gel, and body spray for a Women's Shelter nearby. This is because Jennifer loved to wear and use perfume! I am also bringing some books for the children and of course chocolate for everyone! This helps me feel as if I can still do something for her - that her love and kindness will live on.
Edward Everett Hale said, "I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do."
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
I always wished I could be as caring as she truly was. She wasn't "fakey sweet"! She was just Jennifer, kind of indescribable! Like on her Facebook description she wrote " I am just so uncomplicated me...most of the time anyway."
Here's to you Jennifer!!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
I know that I will still be sad, very sad that day because it will remind me of all the events that took place that day and the few days before Jennifer died. I also know if it was a different day that she died I would be thinking only about her tragic death that day. Instead I will acknowledge my sad feelings, thank her for her gift of love to me, and then I will spread the love as far and wide, as abundantly and joyfully as I can!
Forever and always,
Sunday, January 17, 2010
One of my regrets is that I only have two photos taken of Jennifer and me together in the last 25 years. One of them I know she did not like and the other one I do not like! We never know when our last time together with a loved one will be. Take lots of photos together! It doesn't even need to be a special occasion. Take photos laughing together, watching TV together, working in the yard together... I wish I had more photos of Jennifer and me together.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
When I took out ornaments for our Christmas tree there were several from Jennifer, Jeff and Aidan and one from Jennifer that I had again totally forgotten about. Even one of the boxes I store ornaments in is one Jennifer sent to one of my boys with peppermint toffee in it. I found saved Christmas cards from years past from the Roes. Sometimes those feel like little treasures to find, but other times it just makes me feel sad. Little do we know when our last Christmas on earth will be - it reminded me to cherish my family more while we were together this year.
"She is surrounded by Heavenly stars not just lights on the tree.
She gets to hear live angelic choirs not just a CD.
She gets to live in peace in heaven and not just hope for peace on earth.
She's given the Savior's daily love as we yearly celebrate his birth."
All my love Jennifer,
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Saturday, October 17, 2009
It has been two years this month since I went to Little Rock and visited with Jennifer, Jeffrey and Aidan. I had seen them 17 months before when they came to Washington for Heather's wedding. I had decided that Jennifer's friendship was too precious and fun to let more than 1 1/2 yrs or so go by without getting together. Even if it meant flying across the country. Little did I know that would be the last time I saw her alive.
I was getting out our Halloween decorations a couple weeks ago and I pulled out some of the decorations I bought when Jennifer and I went to the Garden Center. Jennifer loved to decorate for holidays, parties and entertaining! She would go all out. For each holiday I have something from her whether it's a card, decoration, or homemade bracelet she has sent over the years. It's like finding treasures when I open the boxes of holiday decorations! It meant so much to know she was thinking of me and she took the time to show it.
Aidan was into dressing up like Spider Man when I visited in October 2007. It was a couple weeks before Halloween, but he wore the Spider Man PJ's all the time anyway - he was really into everything Spider Man at that age! I've included this cute photo that Jennifer took of us.
Holidays (anytime!) are a great time to make happy memories with family, friends and loved ones. We never know when it might be the last time to be together. I'm so glad that I saw Jennifer two years ago - I have many happy memories of our time together!! Those memories fill my heart with joy even though I miss her.
Monday, September 14, 2009
I think a lot of us did not realize how much pain she was in constantly. She was always concerned more about other people. That just makes her giving spirit that much more Christlike because she did not "wallow" in her own problems.
I have found comfort in reminding myself that "she knows"! She does not walk by faith anymore like we do, but "she knows" all the things of God that we hope to know and see oneday. How exciting is that?! She has seen her parents and family and knows her ancestors. She knows what her mission on earth was and that it is completed. She knows her new mission in Paradise and what the eternities hold. She was sealed on earth to Jeff and Aidan and knows and understands how they will be a family forever. She knows and has felt God's mercy and Jesus love for her. She knows perfect peace, freedom from pain, and joy beyond measure.
Jennifer has her eternal eyesight while we still only have our earthly vision. Joseph F. Smith said, " Beyond the veil that separates us from the spirit world, surely those who have passed beyond, can see more clearly through the veil back here to us than it is possible for us to see to them from our sphere of action. I believe we move and have our being in the presence of heavenly messengers and of heavenly beings. We are not separate from them...We are closely related to our kindred, to our ancestors... who have preceded us into the spirit world... They know us better than we know them. I claim that we live in their presence , they see us, they are solicitous for our welfare, they love us now more than ever."
Take comfort that Jennifer knows, that she still loves us, and that she can be an example of faith that we can follow.
Friday, August 14, 2009
This week I wish I could have shared with Jennifer that we got a new doggie. I know she would have been excited for us since her doggies were also like her children. She would have been excited, asked me questions and asked what my kids thought about their new dog. I can hear her happy, cheerful voice in my head.
Jennifer will never be famous, known by the media, or have a book written about her, but to those who knew her she was just as important. It was by her small, consistent acts of caring to us individually that made the difference in all our lives. One phone call, one birthday card, one hug, one recipe, one listening ear, one encouragment, one e-mail, one question, one smile at a time!
Thursday, July 9, 2009
With your birthday coming up on July 11th - I wanted to let you know I am thinking of you. I never dreamed that you wouldn't be here to celebrate turning 49 years old this year. Here is what is written on the card that I picked out for you about 9 months ago:
"There's something about an old friend...
Someone who's known you through so many phases of your life...
Someone who's been there for you and loves you like a sister...
There's something about an old friend who holds a place in your heart that no new friend could ever quite replace.
Happy Birthday dear friend."
I couldn't have said it any better than this card except to add you will always hold a place in my heart.
Much love always my dear friend,
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
"I came here with nothing,
Yet I leave with everything.
No lesson more lasting than this simple truth;
Life is not about living; it is about loving.
So when I'm gone and all that's left of me is love,
Give it away!
So that the seed that began as my love for you
Continues to blossom throughout time,
Through me to you and onto the next,
like seeds in the wind...
And in this way, I shall live forever."
Jennifer I miss you. I miss you so much! You learned this lesson - help me to learn it too.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Still I remember that Mothers Day was often hard for her without having a child of her own. She waited so long to be a Mother. Then she and Jeff were blessed with Aidan! She cherished every moment with him as a baby and growing up. She loved to make sure he looked "spit spot" that his hair was combed and styled. As a Mother in Zion she made sure to teach him the gospel and to keep the commandments. She taught him to love nature and animals. With Jennifer and Jeffrey being so outgoing and social... Aidan was too. She taught him to enjoy good food - I was always amazed at the things he would eat that many kids would never eat. She taught him to be kind and caring to others just like she was.
I know she would want us to remind Aidan of how much she loved him here on earth. "Aidan although you can't see her she loves you - forever. Her heart is still full of love for YOU! She still wants the same happiness and blessings for you and she will always be smiling down on you from heaven."
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
I could have added:
When I want to call her and tell her my frustrations and compare parenting notes.
When I have some good news I want to share with her.
When I go shopping and I see a card or cute something I would normally buy her.
When I go shopping and I see things that say "best friend" - I need to look away quickly or I will tear up.
When I see my lilacs budding and I wonder what is blossoming in her yard.
When I wish I could ask her advice about a tough decision I am trying to make.
When I see the cute card she sent me in 2006 and has been on my desk ever since.
When I think of Aidan and wish he could feel his Mommy's hugs.
When I go back a few pages in my e-mail and there are e-mails from her.
When we pray for Jeff and Aidan every day.
When I see the birthday card I bought her a few months ago because it was perfect for her and now I don't know where to send it.
When I put on Escada Rockin Rio (I love it!) that she gave me for my birthday a year or two ago.
When I hope that she will see my new grandson who will be born anyday.
There are just too many ways that I think of Jennifer and I always will! I hope each of us will cherish the memories we have of her.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Needless to say as I went through Security they pulled me aside. They asked me to take out the plant. They looked at it, felt it, and smelled it all the while observing me. It was then I realized they probably thought it was marijuna or an illegal plant! I forthrightly told them it was pinneapple mint, but I didn't say anything else. I was sent on my way, but couldn't help laughing inside. The mint made it home but eventually died for some reason or other (I don't have a green thumb).
The shamrocks are another story! Jennifer sent a snip of shamrocks home with me on my last visit to Little Rock in October 2007. Yup the shamrocks made it through Security and they are growing strong in a little planter on my back porch! I remember last year about this time I remarked to Jennifer how great they were growing. They are another sweet reminder of the little things she liked to do to make others happy.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
I hate to admit it but, I have only bought one or two perfumes in the last 15 years. It's not something my husband would give me - he wouldn't have a clue! Although I do use body sprays occasionally (don't worry I always use deodorant). The thing is I never use the perfume up... I figure they're so expensive I'd better save them for special occasions.
Not Jennifer she used her perfumes everyday and she used them up! It was how she lived her life. I think for her everyday was a special occasion because she found joy in the little things even if it was just a spritz of perfume. I love her for that! She showed me the way so many, many times.
I am determined to start using my perfume regularly and every time I do I will think of you Jennifer. I love you!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
I hope this will be a place where we can all share our memories, moments, and thoughts of Jennifer. I hope that all who know her can find a place to share and heal. I think that she would want that for us. I also hope that by sharing our memories we can leave a gift of Jennifer for Aidan. She gave so many gifts to each one of us, but the most precious was her deep caring and love. I know that I can never return a particle of what she gave to me, but I also know that she will live on through each of us. She was an amazing women! There will never be another Jennifer Lee Welling Roe - may she rest in joy and peace (and not cause Heavenly Father too much trouble!)
I will love you forever,