Tuesday, January 5, 2010

You are home for Christmas

I didn't write a post for Jennifer in December, but I had things that reminded me of her all month! I was happy that things worked out for Jeff and Aidan to move to NC at the end of November, but it hit me hard that they were leaving the house where I saw Jennifer last. I know that was selfish of me, but I just wasn't prepared for new feelings of letting her go.

I was also concerned how Jeff and Aidan would make it through their first Christmas without Jennifer. A time when we often think more about loved ones we are missing.

When I was in Little Rock for Jennifer's Funeral I used her car for a couple days while Jeff was in Kansas to bury her. When I hit the button to turn on a CD there was still a CD from Christmas in the player. I cried then when I realized it was her last Christmas on earth. I made a copy of that CD and it was one of the first things I pulled out last month, but I had completely forgotten what songs were on it because it was a CD made by Jeff. I cried again this time when I heard the first song by Rihana "It Just Doesn't Feel Like Christmas Without You".

When I took out ornaments for our Christmas tree there were several from Jennifer, Jeff and Aidan and one from Jennifer that I had again totally forgotten about. Even one of the boxes I store ornaments in is one Jennifer sent to one of my boys with peppermint toffee in it. I found saved Christmas cards from years past from the Roes. Sometimes those feel like little treasures to find, but other times it just makes me feel sad. Little do we know when our last Christmas on earth will be - it reminded me to cherish my family more while we were together this year.

I have to remember that where Jennifer is now it is like Christmas all the time!
"She is surrounded by Heavenly stars not just lights on the tree.
She gets to hear live angelic choirs not just a CD.
She gets to live in peace in heaven and not just hope for peace on earth.
She's given the Savior's daily love as we yearly celebrate his birth."

All my love Jennifer,
Janey


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