Eternally in her debt

I remember the events of Jennifer's last week of life so well. I remember how odd it was that I had not heard from her lately and her voice mail was full. Then we talked briefly 3 1/2 days before she passed away. She wasn't feeling good so we were going to talk later.

We played phone tag for a day, but then she called me Thursday morning as I was leaving for work. I wondered why she was calling when she knew I had to leave for work. My last words to Jennifer were "I don't have time to talk now, I have to go to work! I'll call later." I didn't ask her how she was feeling even though I knew she was sick. She was worried about something I had said on the phone and she wondered if something was wrong with me. I didn't thank her for thinking of me, 5 or 10 minutes would not have had any consequences for my work at all. We played phone tag again that day and later she did not feel well enough to talk on the phone. I just figured there would always be a "later", but this time later never came.

I have tried to change my life because of that experience. Just the other day I caught myself thinking, "I don't have time to do that", but it was something I told someone else I would do. It would only take as long as a phone call. Thankfully I stopped myself and made the phone call to help someone else. That is the kind of thing I really do have time for - the important "part". Life is all about choices... choices we are making every minute of the day.

I vowed that Jennifer's death would not be in vain in my life. I have tried to make myself a better person in the last year. I left my job to spend more time with my youngest two children and to be more present with them. I have made a career change to finish becoming a Certified Music Practitioner to serve others. I have tried to enjoy and appreciate being a Homemaker more like Jennifer did. I am trying not to sweat the little stuff because there will always be little stuff.

I have told Jennifer how sorry I am that I didn't choose "the better part" on the last day that I spoke with her. I have felt her forgiveness and love - knowing it is a small thing compared to eternity. She is happy and healthy where she is now.

Jennifer's love and friendship touched my heart, opened my heart, and strengthened my heart. I will always be eternally in her debt.

Friends forever,

Janey