Happy Birthday Jennifer!

Jennifer is still a part of my life in small and simple ways:
1. I am so glad that I still hear from Jeff and Aidan occasionally. I am happy that Aidan is growing up so well and that Jeff is such a great father. Jennifer knew that if anything happened to her that Aidan would be well cared for.
2. I still keep Jennifer's phone number in my phone. On occasion I still text her. Even though I don't get a text back I still hear her voice in my head giving me advise or comfort.
3. I have two photos of Jennifer in my bedroom and one of her in our living room. One of the photos in my bedroom is one she sent me in January 1996. It is the way I most remember her- when she was healthy and had long auburn hair and a big smile. The other photo is from the last time I visited her when she was alive. That remains a happy memory of our visit together.
4. I have a card from Jennifer on my bulletin board. All I have to do is read it to remember her love. It is always a treat to come across letters and cards from her that I saved for years from most holidays.

When all is said and done - it is the small and simple things that have the most meaning in our lives. Although I wish Jennifer were still here, I know that Jennifer and I are still connected and we will see each other again. Happy Birthday Jennifer!

February 13, 2012

It is the eve of 3 years since Jennifer passed away. I remember the night before so well and the panicky phone call from Jeff at the wee hours of the morning. I think my heart hurts the most because I didn't know how sick she was and I couldn't do anything to help her.

I have tried to honor her memory by doing some kind of service the last two years in her name. I have been thinking and praying for the right service to do for the last 6 weeks. About 3 weeks ago as I was thinking of what to do, I thought "I wish someone would do a service project for me". Lots of continuing family challenges have worn me out in every way the last couple of years. That is one thing that Jennifer had the ability to do -make me feel special and important! Not just me, but so many others of all ages. And we women and mothers tend to take on a lot and not do a very good job of taking care of ourselves. So I became my own service project...

I'm not doing anything special just trying to change the way I think about myself. Instead of thinking I haven't done enough today; I don't have time to eat right, or slapping a sandwich together and eating at the sink; feeling guilty for "wasting time" reading or watching TV; not taking the time to put on jewelry or nice makeup etc. I am saying to myself, "it's ok I deserve this or I am worth taking the time to do this for myself." That is what Jennifer wanted for me and encouraged me to do for so many years.

So in honor of Jennifer this year: I declare that I am worth it! I am good enough to deserve the very best in life of love and happiness, peace, health and hope. So on Valentine's Day tomorrow, the anniversary of Jennifer's passing - LOVE YOURSELF! When I do I feel her love and spirit with me.