Janey Jane

I loved how Jennifer would call me "Janey Jane" to differentiate between her sister Jane and me. She was the only person who had that name for me. Jennifer seemed to make friends wherever she went whether it was to the grocery store, a restaurant, or out for a walk. She always remembered people's names and the things they said. When she asked "how are you?" - she really meant it.
I always wished I could be as caring as she truly was. She wasn't "fakey sweet"! She was just Jennifer, kind of indescribable! Like on her Facebook description she wrote " I am just so uncomplicated me...most of the time anyway."
Here's to you Jennifer!!

Love,
Janey Jane

Spread the LOVE

The other day Leslie said to me, "now Valentines Day will always be sad." I asked her "why?" even though I knew her answer. She said, "because Jennifer died on that day." I told her "No Leslie Valentines Day won't be sad. It is perfect that Jennifer died on that day." Jennifer was all about Love so it means I have even more reason to celebrate! I want to make sure on that day that everyone I know and care about hears from me that I love them.
I know that I will still be sad, very sad that day because it will remind me of all the events that took place that day and the few days before Jennifer died. I also know if it was a different day that she died I would be thinking only about her tragic death that day. Instead I will acknowledge my sad feelings, thank her for her gift of love to me, and then I will spread the love as far and wide, as abundantly and joyfully as I can!

Forever and always,
Janey

Take photos together!

I realize that it has almost been a year since Jennifer passed away. I feel like it can't be! As this year comes to a close I have a lot of feelings in my heart.

One of my regrets is that I only have two photos taken of Jennifer and me together in the last 25 years. One of them I know she did not like and the other one I do not like! We never know when our last time together with a loved one will be. Take lots of photos together! It doesn't even need to be a special occasion. Take photos laughing together, watching TV together, working in the yard together... I wish I had more photos of Jennifer and me together.

You are home for Christmas

I didn't write a post for Jennifer in December, but I had things that reminded me of her all month! I was happy that things worked out for Jeff and Aidan to move to NC at the end of November, but it hit me hard that they were leaving the house where I saw Jennifer last. I know that was selfish of me, but I just wasn't prepared for new feelings of letting her go.

I was also concerned how Jeff and Aidan would make it through their first Christmas without Jennifer. A time when we often think more about loved ones we are missing.

When I was in Little Rock for Jennifer's Funeral I used her car for a couple days while Jeff was in Kansas to bury her. When I hit the button to turn on a CD there was still a CD from Christmas in the player. I cried then when I realized it was her last Christmas on earth. I made a copy of that CD and it was one of the first things I pulled out last month, but I had completely forgotten what songs were on it because it was a CD made by Jeff. I cried again this time when I heard the first song by Rihana "It Just Doesn't Feel Like Christmas Without You".

When I took out ornaments for our Christmas tree there were several from Jennifer, Jeff and Aidan and one from Jennifer that I had again totally forgotten about. Even one of the boxes I store ornaments in is one Jennifer sent to one of my boys with peppermint toffee in it. I found saved Christmas cards from years past from the Roes. Sometimes those feel like little treasures to find, but other times it just makes me feel sad. Little do we know when our last Christmas on earth will be - it reminded me to cherish my family more while we were together this year.

I have to remember that where Jennifer is now it is like Christmas all the time!
"She is surrounded by Heavenly stars not just lights on the tree.
She gets to hear live angelic choirs not just a CD.
She gets to live in peace in heaven and not just hope for peace on earth.
She's given the Savior's daily love as we yearly celebrate his birth."

All my love Jennifer,
Janey